I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
"Don't worry, be hoppy."
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
What do runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
Fall makes me g-leaf-full!
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
I see a sea down by the seashore.
But which sea do you see down by the seashore?
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