Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
As you would expect, most airline pilots make friends only in high places.
To beer or not to beer… That is the question.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
I’m super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don’t know why.
Did you hear about the color bomb?
Yeah it blue up.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they’re wrigleys!
The snowman's favorite side dish is iceberg salad.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
It's lit.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
My Karate teacher is getting a divorce.
He is a great Sensei, but he's not very skilled at the marital arts.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
When you cross a sheep and a wolf, you will end up with a new sheep, you can’t make such a costly mistake with wolves.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
What do you call a divorce but for bananas?
Banana split!
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
My girlfriend left me because all I do is talk about football.
I'm so sad, we were together for 3 seasons.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
Seed between the lines.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
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