What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
I asked my husband to please press pause on the movie We were watching.
He called the dog over for the task, wanted to press his paws.
I knew a guy who gave away his art but he only seemed to paint ducks with incomplete faces.
I asked about it once and he said "I like to bill them later."
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a!
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
The painter loved to paint because he was drawn to art.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.
Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
I have bean thinking about you.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
She saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa?
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
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