How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
“Santa Claus’ favorite swimming spot is the North Pool.”
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
All stereos are so typical.
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.
Adios Omegas.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Why was the painter upset when his doctor bought all of his paintings? The doctor thought the paintings would go up in value after his death.
My friend wasn't accepted for a teaching job because he was cross-eyed
They thought he wouldn't be able to control his pupils.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
Go to BabaMail
