Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they'll change it back.
It's only a phase, after all.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
You snow the drill.
I was surprised that although I was supposed to be feeling blue, my heart was not that heavy. Perhaps, I am feeling light blue.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Which channels do the asteroids like to watch? The comet-y channel.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
Best in snow.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
I whale-y like you.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
As you would expect, most airline pilots make friends only in high places.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
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