What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
Did you hear about the volleyball players who are getting married? They say it was love at first spike.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
What genre of music do elves love to listen to? Wrap.
Your presents is requested.
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
Whatever coats your boat.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Fall is a-maize-ing.
The furniture store saleswoman keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
What do you call someone who's obsessed with Christmas? Santa-mental.
Zero lucks given on St. Patrick’s Day.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
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