What does a goat call his girlfriend?
Bae.
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
I don’t know about you, but I think helicopter rescue pilots have the best pick-up lines.
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
What do fashionable mountains wear when it's cold? An ice cap.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?
It a-piers we have a problem.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
Why doesn't Mrs. Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Snow thank you.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
Which hot drinks space people like? Gravi-tea.
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was NOT worth the trip.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Give me some pigskin
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Son: does Easter Bunny set out 12 eggs in the field to search for?
Dad: no he dozen’t.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
As it snow happens.
Did you hear about the negative nelly who hates German sausage?
He always fears the wurst.
Dad: "Knock, knock!" Kid: "Who's there?"
Dad: Spell!
Kid: Spell who?
Dad: W... H... O...
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Never has there been a more romantic story than how those two geologists met.
It was lava at first sight.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
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