We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
The paddy don’t start till I walk in.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
Why can’t a fish every play volleyball? They are afraid of the net.
I fence-y you.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
I'm not the fig plucker,
nor the fig plucker's son,
but I'll pluck figs
till the fig plucker comes.
The dog didn’t want to play soccer because it was a boxer.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
What do skiers order at fast food restaurants?
Icebergers with Chilly Sauce, on the slide.
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
You have a pizza my heart.
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
Let’s have a shamrockin’ good time tonight!
Recently, i started learning Spanish
But i can't hola long conversation.
What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?
A cantelope.
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