When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
Recently, i started learning Spanish
But i can't hola long conversation.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
What does one vampire say to another before bed?
- I hope you have a fang-tastic day!
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Which channels do the asteroids like to watch? The comet-y channel.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
“Did you know that Father Christmas has a daughter? Her name is Mary Christmas.”
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a werewolf?
Terrier-fied!
I have the final sleigh.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
I used to love puns about throwing things, but now I don’t.
It was just a fling.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
When you meet someone, you don't want to get off to a bad art!
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
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