Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What is the worst type of blind people?
The Notsees.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
How do astronauts cook their meals?
With a Space Heater!
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
As one black bug, bled blue, black blood. The other black bug bled blue.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
Rebel without a Claus.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
"Happy Easter to all my peeps."
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
A happy hippo hopped and hiccupped.
I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.
I have to make every second Count.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
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