I’m o-fish-ally in love with you.
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
When does the moon gets his/her stomach full? During full moon.
It’s snow joke.
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
We’re in a-green-ment.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
How were these puns about puns?
They were pun-questionably pun-fortunate!
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
If art became imprisoned we'd have to Freda art.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What is an astronauts favourite type of shirt?
Apollo
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
I’m very frond of you.
What Twix do you have up your sleeve that makes me love you?
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
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