What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
What is the call of a Spanish speaking owl?
Quién...Quién.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
What do ghouls say to each other before heading out for Halloween?
May the ghouls be with you!
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Which ancient Greek Philosopher had a foot fetish?
Play-toe.
Or was it Sock-rates?
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
How rare is an excellent father?
Legen-daddy
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What does someone mean by a light year? The same as a regular year, but with less calories and fat.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Ah! The element of surprise.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
Did you hear about the painter who works in jail? They say he had a brush with the law.
What do you call a small mosque in Spain?
A mosquito!
Why did the girl decide to become an art dealer? Because she wanted more Monet.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
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