Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
I always have a souper time with you.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Military submarines are a deep navy blue in color.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
What did the cowboy say when he bought a yo yo.
This ain't my first yo yo!
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was the first in the human race.
Why are Catholics the best runners during the Easter season?
They fast during Lent!
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
What is suns favorite chocolate bar?
A milky way.
If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call the FINE print!
Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
-
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.
But apparently, you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Go to BabaMail
