What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
"Partners in wine."
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
The huddle is real
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Why did the Sun never got into college? Because it already has quite a million degrees!
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
What do you call a serial killer on acid?
Jack the tripper.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? He wanted to see time fly!
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What did the broken hearted skeleton say?
After all to-marrow is another day.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
What do you do when your friend is a claustrophobic astronaut?
You give him a little space.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
There’s no reason to wine about you.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What type of stroke does a classical musician use when swimming?
The Bach stroke!
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
My cat kept jumping onto my desk.
I had to put him down.
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
You better beer-live it!
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What do you call it when dress up like a cowboy?
Ranch dressing
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What was Moses' favorite color?
Red, see?
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What is the Easter Bunny's favorite drinking game?
Hop Scotch.
Go to BabaMail
