I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
What do you call a glove combined with a snake?
Smitten.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
In every corny joke,
There is a kernel of truth.
You snow the drill.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don’t have fast food.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Never laugh at your spouse’s choice… You’re one of them.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
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