What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Skier in ER: Doc, I slipped on my way to the chairlift.
Doctor: Icy.
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
The pint’s the limit.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What should you do when you play volleyball against a team of satanists? You beat the hell out of them.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
Why do stoner tourists spend so much money while on a skiing holiday at Aspen?
Because they're high rollers!
As soon as you find someone who has bees, marry them.
That’s how you know they're a keeper!
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
The artist successfully climbed the highest peak in the country. He attributed his success to the song, 'Paint No Mountain Higher!'
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
The sun is just a big space heater.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
Never has there been a more romantic story than how those two geologists met.
It was lava at first sight.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
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