What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
I read Reims of info before I got here, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful this place is.
What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web."
Son: I was really Hungary and I ate the whole Turkey. There is only Greece left.
Me: I couldn’t Bolivia!
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
There would be mass confusion.
He knew literally everything about the constellations. Some might even say that his knowledge of the night sky was astronomical.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
I feel thankful for having you as my gym buddy and lover.
Our relationship is really working out.
There’s so much to do here so I’m never Bordeaux-ed.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
The density of this concrete leads me to believe one thing: it is a hard court.
What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hareline
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
Happy bEarthday!
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
My husband slapped a fly off the door and said 'Not on my watch!'
I told him "That's a door"
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
If volleyball were easy, they would call it football.
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