What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
French history is nothing to Lafayette at.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
It’s a beautiful Degas!
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective?
He has a nose for these things.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
Is it acceptable to take the epidermis from your butt and graft it onto a buddy?
Ass skin for a friend.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Why do bananas like to use sunscreen?
Because they peel!
How many Chinese folks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't change lightbulbs, then just dim sum.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese.
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
What’s a tree’s favorite dating site?
Timber.
I’m in pursuit of hoppiness.
Irish puns are the most O'ffensive.
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Brisk brave brigadiers brandished broad bright blades, blunderbusses, and bludgeons — balancing them badly.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
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