How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?
Because there is no pressure.
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird?
Cherpies, but don't worry.
It's tweetable.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
If you photograph your pimples, is zit art?
After watching me read “War and Peace”, my son asked me, “Dad, why is the book so thick?”
Me: Well, it’s a long story.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
What do you call the generation of people that migrated from Italy?
Genitalia.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big
He was ostrich-sized.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
A patient came to the ER with a rash. I told her it was an allergic reaction and that I'd prescribe her steroid cream. She asked me if she'd be discharged soon.
She was really itching to get out of here.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
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