What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
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