A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
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