I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
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