A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
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