Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
Go to BabaMail
