My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
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