I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
Go to BabaMail
