A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
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