Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
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