Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
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