Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
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