My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
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