I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
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