What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.