Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
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