What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
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