The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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