What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Ah! The element of surprise.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
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