When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
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