What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
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