Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
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