I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
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