What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
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