Car puns are really tiring
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
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