A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
"No body won the skeleton race."
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
Go to BabaMail
