Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
"Lazy bones."
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
"Bone to be wild."
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
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