No body has ever won a skeleton race.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
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