I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
"Lazy bones."
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
I have a heart-on for you.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
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