Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
"Bugs and hisses."
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
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