What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
"No body won the skeleton race."
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
I have a heart-on for you.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
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