What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
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