What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
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