What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
I have a heart-on for you.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
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