My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
I have a heart-on for you.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
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