Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
"Some people have no guts."
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
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