Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
"Bone to be wild."
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
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