What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
Go to BabaMail
