Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
"Bugs and hisses."
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
"Lazy bones."
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
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