What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
"Bone to be wild."
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
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